What is Performative Vulnerability and why should leaders care?
- Jack Lowman
- Dec 29, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
Vulnerability has become one of the most talked-about practices in modern leadership, and there have been a few recent catalysts for this.
Firstly, in her TED Talk and books, Brené Brown (who we are big fans of here at Hack Yourself) reframed vulnerability from a weakness to a strength. She helped a generation of leaders to normalise talking about emotion, uncertainty and imperfection in professional settings.
Similarly, Simon Sinek’s popular 'Start With Why' talk didn’t explicitly use the word ‘vulnerability’, but it did encourage leaders to share personal stories, purpose, and emotion rather than just logic or strategy.
This opened the door to more vulnerable moments on stage and in meetings.
Alongside this, social media sites like LinkedIn and Instagram became spaces for leaders to build personal brands, and emotional storytelling turned into content.
Consulting firms also reinforced the movement. McKinsey has written extensively about why vulnerable leaders build stronger teams. Its work highlights that trust grows when leaders stop pretending they have all the answers.
There’s no doubt that communicating vulnerability is a really useful way of creating connection. When used well, it works. Teams warm to leaders who are honest. For many people, they also feel seen if they see themselves in what’s being shared.
In recent years, however, vulnerability has become both a philosophy and a technique. And herein lies the problem…
The rise of ‘performative vulnerability’
Over recent years, the penny dropped for leaders that disclosing emotional stories creates engagement.
They noticed that vulnerability brings people closer, and that a well-placed personal struggle could make an audience lean in. And slowly, in some cases without real intention, vulnerability began to drift from authentic expression to a subtle strategy.
This is what is becoming known as ‘performative vulnerability’. I would argue that a better phrase is manipulative vulnerability. Because that is the reality… when vulnerability becomes curated, rehearsed and timed, it changes shape. It becomes a manipulative tactic.
Your teams aren’t stupid
Teams are savvy – they know when someone more senior has watched too many TED Talks and is waving their vulnerability wand.
A good example is a leader on the first day of their new job, standing up and oversharing with a new team, hoping that early emotional disclosure will fast-track trust.
Or a leader that continuously discloses that they don’t know the answers, and needs people to help them (when clearly, they do know the answers). You’re not being vulnerable and more appealing – you’re being annoying. Please stop. 😊
I’ll say it again – due to the overexposure of vulnerability, teams are especially sharp. They can see when a story or phrase is serving the leader more than the listener.
The core point is simple; vulnerability generally requires risk. Performative vulnerability removes it. When you know exactly how the audience will react, when you are confident the story will land, when your eye is on the reputation prize, you are not being vulnerable, you are being calculated.
The whole point of being vulnerable was to build trust. Somehow, we’ve got ourselves to a place where once people notice performative vulnerability, trust erodes quickly.
Ps. By this point, you may be thinking you are guilty of this! Fear not my friend, read on…
Why this matters for leaders
Trust is the bedrock of leadership. It is usually slow to build and always quick to lose. When leaders use vulnerability to manipulate, however gently, I’ve noticed that people start to pull back.
They doubt the intention behind the words and they become more guarded themselves. Over time, the culture becomes cautious rather than connected. So much for vulnerability being the leadership silver bullet, hey.
I see it a lot when I attend training courses or talks (that aren’t from Hack Yourself, of course!). If a speaker starts off with an overly emotional story, without building the trust first, it comes across as overly designed. I withdraw immediately. I don’t want a targeted attack on my emotions today, thank you very much.
And don’t get me started with what’s happening online! Many of us are tired… tired of scrolling through emotional declarations that are written for algorithmic effect. Tired of leaders jumping on the vulnerability bandwagon, which is giving a bad name to those leaders who genuinely want to build a safe environment for their teams.
Teams want leaders who are honest, not leaders who are acting honest.
Top tips to avoid performative vulnerability
At Hack Yourself, we train leaders across the world on the skills they need to create exceptional teams. Here are some of the top tips from our Modern Leadership programme to help you navigate the changing perceptions of vulnerability at work:
Do not overshare too soon Early sharing in a new role often reads as a strategy. A new team needs to see your actions before your inner world.
Make it two-way Real vulnerability invites conversation. It is not a monologue. Ask questions. Create space for people to respond. Listen to the reaction.
Share with no personal reward in mind If you are sharing in your first team meeting, the reward is obvious: you want people to like you. That is normal, but it is not vulnerability. Genuine vulnerability is more often found in quiet one-to-one moments where the focus is on someone else's situation, not your own.
Match vulnerability with competence Openness does not erase the need for expertise. When leaders disclose without demonstrating capability, people feel unsafe rather than supported. The classic “I don’t have all the answers” can work, but only if your abilities to help are also well known.
Start small and build trust gradually Begin with simple admissions, such as not knowing something or needing input. You can show you are a real person with vulnerabilities piece by piece; it doesn’t need an all-team keynote speech!
Ask yourself the key question - Why am I sharing this?
If the honest answer points to approval or engagement, please pause.
Final thoughts
Despite all the above, vulnerability can still be one of the most powerful skills a leader brings to a team. It can build trust, deepen relationships and create real connection. The line between openness and manipulation, however, is as thin as my tolerance for LinkedIn posts that start “I’ve never shared this before but…”. ----------
